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Grim Dracula , hurry, I'm in terrible pain. You gotta suck out the poison! Dracula: Nuh-uh -- Dracula don't suck. Grim: You're a vampire!
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Full Cast & Crew
Vampires Suck () - Full Cast & Crew - IMDb
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Vampire Bites Suck
Kim Newman is not just an acclaimed film critic and pop culture expert — he's also the author of a Dracula-themed alternate history book series, beginning with Anno Dracula. So he knows what he's talking about when he says that a lot of recent vampire stories, well, suck. To celebrate the re-release of his second Dracula novel, The Blood Red Baron, Newman breaks down the problems with substandard vampires. After all that build-up, there's got to be more to a vampire villain's evil plan than drinking some dimwit's blood.
It starts promisingly, however, as Max, a handsome New York cop who also happens to be a Rottweiler, investigates a plot to smuggle valuable animals. Reluctantly, he teams up with human FBI agent Will Arnett on the trail of the criminal masterminds behind the dastardly scheme, which leads our two sleuths to a dog show in Las Vegas. But the narrative starts looking tired and a bit desperate long before the concluding showdown in an aircraft hangar — just not as tired and desperate as the over-tens in the audience.